holding on

this is the ideal age for exploration, a time to fight the good fight, for your ideals, causes and position in this world. yet i feel beaten down even before i had the chance to start. In time of delusions i seek the comfort of the silence and the thud of thunder for i am confused in my search. With a spirit as shallow as the skin that wraps it, for what lies a head seem a mirage. Importance have lost it urge and meaning. for the frustration and pain that the path hold is suffocating, an overwhelming feeling of escaping ones skin is urgent. a tingly feeling of a long gone soul, prickles the insides with helplessness.

not that the future promises changed, nor the current situation has taken a bad turn, all remains quiet the same, but a fragile structure is facing its weaknesses for the first time.

truth of the matter, i have no energy to argue, no strength to care,

the wise one says
'for tonight might seem dark, tomorrow with certainty there shall be sunshine'

The way to my future,

It’s not a clear path nor a chosen path, best described as clearing and forming with each step and tumble. I know that while its forming it seems all tiresome and at times pointless, yet I’m sure when I’ve reach one destination I’ll only remember good times. Few goals I have in mind thou I do not know how I’ll go about them but I’ll set down a plan, I read or heard once, that you have to write down your dream and devise the steps you need to follow to reach your goal. Well for a person who never follows a plan but likes setting up many, I think that it is just good advice. I believe in a planned out randomness and systematic disorganization, and above all working in manner that make no sense to others. For most my writing are gibberish at best, and my actions are very careless, and my speech is rather not thought through.

There is no chaos and no fate for me, for things happens because of me or another, one might not see an instigator of the movement but there is alway one. One doesn’t lose because they did not compete, and one doesn’t win because another did. At best we take our winnings and get out of the game or continue playing until another starts to win. So I suppose until you’ve won one u have no decision to make other than stay in the game

The wiseone says
“risk a little to win many, but never risk all to win many”

Where next

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this is where i have been already, the countries i'd like to visit next are:

- France
- China
- Japan
- Korea
- Italy
- Kenya
- Morocco
- Switzerland
- Australia
- Fiji
- Madagascar
- Russia
- Tunisia
- Jordan

and many more.. those are for today

The Lucky few

Its been said that the world's wealth is in the hand of only 1% of its people, the lucky 1%! How lucky do u need to be in that 1%? It’s been said 2% of all people are genius, I guess you just need a little less luck for that. Yet I envy neither groups, let them have their bliss, I’m content with my dimes and my average intellect.

The lucky ones I envy are those who can pick up and start anywhere with very little, why can’t I do that? The lucky ones that see the world as an endless home, they can make a life for themselves, the truly lucky ones are those who will consider everything as a possibility, ethnicity, culture, race nor religion makes a difference to them. I do not judge people along those lines but I take them in consideration. How wonderful would it be to just make a life for yourself in a new place, every time you need a new start you just pick and relocate, but starting all over again must be the hardest things, I’m always impressed by those who just seem to be able to start from zero at any time, my life is just a string of continuous events which eventually complete a story.

The lucky ones are those who have achieved so much with so little intelligence, with puffery they make it all sound smart, with big words they write articles of no content, but as most people get entangled in their word give it more value. The smarter ones are the ones that use people assumptions for their advantage, with others assuming they are too young, too old, too new, too dump, they get to get by by doing so much less than what the can do and just get by just fine. those i admire as they achieve just as much as any hardworking person.

There are always those lucky enough to better than me, those who have always seen the leaves ‘reference to greys anatomy: about wearing glasses’

The wise one says
‘the lucky ones, are those who have enough mouth to cover their teeth when they smile’

Hopeful wishes and Helpless prayers.

If life was like ‘the island’, how great! Having spare parts is a good guarantee of healthy living to certain extend. Why can’t life be more like a sci-fi movie that’s filled with possibilities and like a fair tale, with happily ever after ending. How sweet it would be.

Cloning why isn’t it legal by now? In no way does mean that scientist are playing God, as God can create we can merely copy and hope God will provide it with the soul to live on. For the longest time I wanted to study it hoping one day I can clone a person, thou its has been my a naïve child dreams, it is so possible. Its bound to happen I hope. Then maybe we can have back those who we have lost due to death. It imposes it’s own ethical and moral questions, and surely it might be opposed by religion. But let a child’s dreams be.

I know there is little we could do but pray for those who are sick, if doctors play their roles, and the medicine is what it should be then with our prayers all shall be well again. I pray that I don’t have to pray the same prayers all over again, I pray that soon I won’t need to pray those prayers. Enshalla it all will be well.

The Wise One say
“When left helpless, there is always one more thing that can be done, PRAY”

the dead are,,

are just that dead, they don’t turn into ghost haunting you, and they don’t live through us in our hearts. Their memory fades no matter how hard u want to believe otherwise.

Those who once were among us, have left living their foot prints on moving grounds, are to be erased by a change of wind, or dried up by the sun. They leave us with memories we try to hold on too, either by our own weak memories or with recordings. Those never will suffice and the more you dwell on them the less they become.

Hoping you’d pass them in a crowd, or catch a glimpse of them won’t ever happen. Dreaming of them is your mind tricking u in to coping and rationalizing it.

Danny is dead, what’s wrong with grey’s anatomy!

The wise one says
‘a life lived in stress, is a short and exhausted’

Too short to be a building?

The way building disintegrate with time, so do we. What happens if those crumbled bricks are never replaced with new ones, is our demise in reach. With every moment passing we get ahead in this marathon, but do we really want to arrive at the finishing line.

What happens if you don’t realize your crumbling until you are down to dust, have you inspired many by your grand statue, have you brought glory to your creators name, or have you stood in the gray shades of the city.

Make every floor counts don’t skip the 13th for some superstition you might hold, raise higher out of the shade, and cast your shade on all others. Rise as high as wish as you now your collapse is due anytime.

Dress up in greens and blues even pink and oranges whatever suits you, it’s your time not any ones borrowed time your not obliged to please others. Have no windows or be all windows, rotate or change colors, be on water or land, be whatever you want as time is too short to oblige anyone else.

Not every building will not topple as the Pisa tower, and so little will endure time a the Eiffel tower, but many will sink like Atlantis or end up as the ruins of Rome. If your demise is unavoidable make it count, leave your name in the history books, or in any story. Leave your trace even if it was a half bent beam or torched wooden floor.

The wise one says
“Today I rise, tomorrow I’m high”

The same pointless lines,

At times it feels like life is on repeat, the same mistakes are made over and over again, same conclusions found one time after the other. I fail to see the lessons learnt from it all. History is redundant like all the TV series out there, it just repackaged in new colors but it’s all the same. Why then seek new when it will be old and in fact all the same.

What annoys me beyond all is that although we know it will all reach an end we still insist on starting it. When we reach the conclusion, we wish we had been better to them we wish we had more time with them, rarely do we wish to have never met them, and even thou you might do, you can’t help but meet them.

I wish I’d been better, I promise to be better to whoever comes next, then by the end I realize no promises have ever been kept. Living on with regrets becomes depressing, letting go of you downfalls and you misery allows u to repeat them all over again.

Keep on living with the same lines, I’m sorry becomes a life motto for all the things I’ve done and all the things I’ll do.

Then it’s the time we have together is worth remembering, still what is truly embedded in my memory is the end, how dramatic or mundane it might have been. Miserable are those memories, for only silly pointless ones will drown them out eventually.

Let me repeat every mistake all over again if it means a guiltless life.

The wise one says
‘A purely happy life, is but a lie’

Amazed

If over night we changed the 7 wonders, how can I still be amazed by their wonder. I suppose new wonders has just emerged, it's just the mystical bewilderment things cast on our human minds.

I suppose its a matter of understating or confusion, if our very sophisticated minds can’t comprehend it, then surely its amazing.

Sitting in library filled with books as old as time, didn’t leave me with a wow what history moment. Having a breakfast at a castle with painting from 100 years ago; did little to amaze me. Going to the holy Land I wasn’t impressed by the size of it thou religiously I value it. seeing the Pyramids left me with dust in my hair.

What does that say about me, the truth is grand things do little to impress me when every day there is something newer & better. The only thing that impresses me, is the human who writes these books, build these monuments. What amazes me is that we are still capable of creating more wonders for other to be amazed by.

Whatever your background, culture and situation is, you are capable of leaving a legacy, be it a song or a statue. Well at least that is what I believe.

To all the people who create I’ll be forever amazed & impressed


The wise one says
‘you life is but your perception’

Changing colors,

It’s this time of year ‘September’ despite it might be fall in fact everything starts. We slip into new skins, those who go back to the same school and those who go to yet another school, only this time we start it with holiest month of our calendar.

Well this time I get to a new school, new people, new city, new colors. Will I find a new skin to slip into or will mine stand the change. I do wonder how will this time of year be different from all others. Can we change with changing colors or do just shed old skin to grow new ones.

It’s a time for new possibilities, to color our lives with new colors, Recently I find my self flooded by colors Sunny Yellows and Limey Greens, and dream in Cartoon-ish Colors. What will be this fall’s colors.

My friend gave me this little threaded Doll its head is made of little colorful cotton balls. I initially bought ‘Ro’ A Green Fella with a a brown Afro, Then my aunt got me an orange one tied up in chains and screws poor fella he is named ‘Skewy’, then my sis got me a humongous one which is name ‘Bakumba’. Then recently the one my the one my friend got me and its called ‘VIC’ Vibrant in Colors. (in short this is the history of Ro and his family, Bukumba is the only girl)

The Wise one says:
‘If Blue is the Sky, then every other color is closers’

Light up

How weird is that I do not have any lighting in my bedroom. I guess the only reason I did change the bulbs were so I can write my homework and study, being a graduate means I don’t do either.

Originally I had ceiling lights ‘chandlers’, but after an unfortunate event in which I was pretty lucky to miss by few seconds; I opted to never have lights above my bed ever again! One exploded and shattered all over my room, so I did the safest thing and took of the other. They say lightning rarely hits the same spot twice, will I don’t even like these odds. This event occurred while I was studying a light-needing-person. I got lamps in all sizes, but since I graduated they burned out and I never saw the point of replacing them as all I do in this room is sleep.

Anyhow fall is coming and a cleaning is in order, so I guess I need to get new light bulbs.

Being on vacation allows you to make a lot of little things, I’ve done much more with my free time, but having no light is quite an interesting concept. It confines your usual options, if I do not use day light then by night I’m lost, another inconvenience; the wireless internet in this floor has broken down, we’ll need to buy a new modem but like the light bulbs and being on vacation we’ve opt to go retro and use cable, or be space confined to the lower floor where the modem still works.

With the all conveniences we have, space and time have become pretty flexible. Time travel doesn’t seem to be sci-fi anymore but rather a conceivable idea ‘I think’. Having the microwave break down makes you either learn to appreciate cold food or use the oven for more than baking cupcakes. You could be hundred miles away or 2 feet apart and still use IM to talk, having no upstairs Internet have allowed more space for vocal dialogue. There is always growth with or with out technology, we can’t deny or reliance on it but without a calculator we still can multiply till 12 easily.

If we allow technology to do our day-to-day thinking would this give us more time to develop new ideas and explore new concepts. Are we limited by our inventions or are they tools for our advancement.

I guess all I’m trying to say is I need to get new light bulbs.

The wise one says
‘in a blackout we will always have the stars’

Discoveries.

The world is a big place, and the universe is a wondrous thing, yet it seems to me that ever thing has been discovered, and still we are asked to always come up with original ideas. The world have been here longer than us and many other have preceded us and they had shared so many ideas and made the discoveries that there are to be made. Once you’d sit under a tree and discover gravity, everything was new and original. I think in our time it’s about reevaluating our findings tweaking them and mending them wherever needed. Once we have 9 planets now we are down to 8.

We as individuals have so much to learn from what is out there already, how do we discover new boundaries when we are still exploring the defined ones.

I believe despite all of that, there is so much to be discovered if not a worldly sense maybe on a personal level. I think I have so much to learn and much more to discover, I don’t want to explore the universe, I don’t need to visit Mars I’ll settle with a visit to Peru.

The wise Granny says
‘The nights beauty is captured by its moonlight, as a moonless night is just darkness’

Little annoying things

I have 2 little things that have been bothering for a while now, the truth they have been there since my first recollected memory, which might not mean much as I have a terribly bad memory.

One little thing is more annoying as it’s the most irritating like a fly that is fly over ur head but u can finish it off. Though you’ve seen many flies been crushed to death by a newspaper many times before. It’s only that my fly has magical power like harry potter coat! So I’ve vowed that in those coming months I’ll use all my strength, intelligence and resources to crush this fly once and for all. I suppose each have their fly they wish to crush down, be it a person or an actual fly.

The second little is bothersome, it’s the thing I grew to overlook and forget it exist, but I’m constantly reminded by others that it does exist. It’s not something I’m happy about but just like the extra fat I’ve been dragging along I just try to hide it as best as I can, but the blissful people insists on pointing it out. I feel sorry for the little thing as it is the people who are annoying most of the time..

The wise one says
‘be thankful for the flaws you have, for they make you loveable’

Sunshine.. Sunshine..

Pocketful of sunshine, is the song that resonates with me. I live at the other end of Earth where almost everyday is a sunny day. Hence I’m filled with Sunshine. No matter how long it rains, and how many green lights we fail to pass tomorrow you’ll find Sunshine.

When I’m asked where do I see myself in 5 years time, my answer will always be somewhere, no where, I’m no psychic. I recently found my happiest memory, I’ve always known which is my sad memory. My best happy memory was at the Alps mountains I was there with my whole family on a summer vacation, it was my first snow fight, my friend was there to and with her whole family! And there was Sunshine. After that Summer nothing was the same our families where never whole and we never had another snow fight. The next time I was at Apls at the same spot Global warming had melted away the snow with it my happy memory. That is my happiest memory.

We all can remember the worst moments, we can remember ever bone we broke or cut we had, as usually they leave scars. I think we should try hard to keep our happy memories alive as they leave no scars but if remembered will keep sunshine in your life.

Memories can be our Sunshine if we remember the happy ones along with the hurtful ones. Remember the dead by the way they lived and not the way they died. Remember your school days by the laughs you had before ending up in detention. Remember the summer you had jumping into fountains, the festivals you spent flipping around in the rides.

The Wise lady said
‘Sticks and stones are never going to shake me, I got a pocketful of sunshine’

it takes time to Sink...

I’m at that point of life when I should feel accomplishment mixed with a newfound sense with adventure. In truth all I feel is indifference, I think I’m just a bit numb to what is happening. I’m still trying to find my footing on this empty canvas this how it feels, I did my school years 18 years of studying! I should be relived, I’m happy but then again I’m always happy. I turned 22 but still it hasn’t truly sunk in, when a birthday comes you don’t automatically feel that things changed. We are will in our first month of 2008 and just today I was writing 2007 then I corrected my self.

Right now all I feel is that I’m blessed to have lived for 22 years and along the way have picked up some knowledge and wisdom from the people around me. I know this much if anything I have great friends and supportive family. I know I’m very blessed in this life and I thank Allah for it all, and hope my afterlife would be much much better! I know I can’t say if I’ll end up the first UAE national McDonald’s waitress or the first UAE women ambassador to some neat country!.. but all I can say is dreaming is free is my very wise friend puts it. Someone told me I should keep a journal on those coming days as they will pretty much shape my future and it’s a very exciting time, I sure do hope it is.

I’m not sure if I’ll continue my studies, or get a job. All I know is that tomorrow is filled with new possibilities that I very well know won’t be according to my plans, so for now things are in the air my future can wait a day a month, and it will just work it self out.

The wise one says
“Congratulations”

Good good, evil

In a land where good people are a dieing breed it’s a wonder how any good survives the harsh realities of our current world. It’s said that there are no Evil people but evil acts, which means good people can do evil acts, then on what are they merited as good?

Good in some sense can be perceived as light, and in the absence of light there is darkness, does that mean evil is the absence of good? Is good the natural way of things or does it takes effort to be. Is a person born evil or good or is it learned and gained. We are born with clean slate does that mean clean, clear, white as in good?

Still I believe Good is present in our world, but when it’s absent great evil Happens! Wars, Gossip, murders, hell. If a Good person can do evil acts then evil people can do good acts, and if our behaviors and actions do not define our goodness or evilness what does then? Can you ever separate a person from his acts? People are very conflicting creature for I know u can kill a child in a morning and save a man at night, so have u been good or evil in one day or do one act cancel the other out or do they stand each on their own merit.

The wise one says
‘Good is an act, Evil is another act, its the action that makes the act’

The fool i am

With a goofy grin, and childish dreamy eyes, I’ll believe every lame lie. I’ll believe what ever they say no matter how ridiculous it may sound. It’s not because I don’t realize the truth, but what is truth? I think if you desperately make up silly lies then its only because you wish I could see you in certain light, and for that I’ll smile and laugh believing in every shameless lie you’d tell.


Why not be the fool they want? If its only the fool they see, I won’t have much to put up with. Let them play their silly games, act all smart when in fact u know all along how silly they look. People become your own inside joke :D

The wise one says
‘Whatever role u play, play it with conviction, even if it’s a tree’

My Holy month

its a time in which starving a bit is followed by daily feasts. Night of prayers turn into midnight outings and sheesha becomes the night’s smell. Once boring Arabic TV channels are now very controversial. Once crazy traffic and jammed roads from five to eight now clear roads with sonic speeding cars at 6:10. Long working days now are short workless days. Social awareness increases dramatically; time spent not sleeping is spent with family and friends.

Less Music played, more Quran read. Charity is all around, more sad stories told. Masjeeds are filled in all 5 prayers and more at esha. People gather to help each other. Less yelling and fights during the day. More pleasant thoughts and acts.

We all do extra good during this month, but for those who do only good in this month is it right? What if u pray the taraweeh every night of Ramadan, then all year long you forget about the 5 daily prayers. Is a little good better than no good at all? Or do u need to be constant in your goodness? Or at least try to keep it up.

Tips for a pleasant month ‘which I learned the hard way mostly’

- Don’t have salt and vinegar chips for sohoor
- Eat in stages and not all at once
- Have legeemaat once a week
- Don’t stay out late on week night
- Don’t drive on the left lane at 6:20pm
- Read Quran after prayers
- Freej is lame so stop wasting ur time
- Leave work later and never at 2:00 or 3:00pm

The Wise one says
‘we fast then eat, and eat some more’

is One smart?

Not matter how educated and knowledgeable one is there is more he doesn’t know. Being smart and intelligent is debatable, one can be called smart when in fact he is clueless then again he might be called stupid when he has more knowledge than anyone in the room.

One doesn’t need to be smart in one thing or in one way. One can be intelligent in different aspects. Once I thought One should excel in one thing and know a little about the rest. Now I think one should know plenty about everything and if he gets lucky he’ll excel in one thing.

Most of the time one is not judged by the amount of knowledge one has but by the way he presents.

who to say One is smart or not.

the wise one says
'the more you learn the more you find your self confused'