A New Year

Another year has passed and little to look at and smile. All that passed has passed none leaf a lasting stain. Into history it all concludes, 20 a distant memory a number between now and tomorrow. I do smile for tomorrow to come for I know it’s a better day. I know all grows, blossoms and then withers and die. All live their life and no ones else time, all get their share and for that they shall be glad.
I do realize there are many hopes to hope, many dreams to dream, and many moments to embrace. I know many shall smile and wish me a great year, what is a year but a time from now and then.
Ageless like the times my sadness has been, but with a bright smile I shy the sun to an eclipse, for none to say I’ve darkened my life. For all I share more hides, to many and few I am who they think I am, and to you and me I’m as true as I come.
Tonight it all concludes, a new year a new dream a new hope shall all arise, and into tomorrow it shall set.

The wise one says
“Happy Birthday”

My Cause

I’ve been listening to the same song for 2 days now, and that is my interpretation of it
“ I’ve Seen- Outlandish, Sami Yusuf”

Once was motivation, but then time came and transformed it to an inspiration. Then again time came and ended it. Once it all had a greater cause now its all so trivial. Once science made all the sense I needed, and now faith is all I have.
I’m trying to find the reason, the truth behind it all. I know each have their cause, but mine evades me. The only cause I had is lost now. A new purpose is out there somewhere, but I wish you were here as I’m missing you so desperately.

The Wise one Says
"the truth is within"

Friend?

All I know is this, if I can live without a mother or a sister, why do I need a friend! i can be living in joy if I didn’t have to damn please the ones I love, I’d usually do what ever they’d want only for the mere liking, but not now not any more. I’m not bitter nor do I hate people, all I want is to live my life, and bystanders are quite enough. I never shared a secrets for the sad truth I’m brutally honest about myself and about everything. I don’t scheme and plan for people to like me, all I want is for people to respect me and don’t ditch me like a wet towel to dry in damp ditch.
What is a friend but another person in my life, today here, tomorrow not. I know this much if your family can disappear why do you hold much faith of friends! They are wonderful when they are there just as family, but when they are not it’s you and only you. No one cares if you drove all across the city with misty eyes or the gleeful smile, all that counts is to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. Why do we seek to share the joyful moments and why do we seek our parents acknowledgment or a man’s love? If at the end we all die, and no one remembers us.

The wise one says
“Memories if documented and not felt, are lost”

Old Age

This should be have been a great day, I’ve been waiting for this piece of paper for so long. I can no more care, it feels like I’m barely floating my way through the day, I lost my sense of time and space, I’m numb all over, stupid medicine I’m 21 in a couple of weeks and I feel as if I’m 64. I’ve come to realize my biological clock is way older than my self, and I’ve got an old soul to go with it.
When I turned 17 I had my mid life crisis, by this pace, if I reach 45 it would be a great achievement. As I mentioned in an earlier post “Plan 45” still stands, the grand party still happens and all is invited, but all need to keep me up to date with their current Address.
Anyhow, today I got the paper and as I always suspected I finished he course with distinction, I should have been very excited and happy, but all I was thinking about is to sleep, and how will I drive with out crashing the car with my buzzed out head. Al through the way I was about to pull aside and just sleep in the car, but with half closed eyes, and reciting every do3a and Quran verse I knew so God will help me reach home safely I got home, as always Allah is there for me you pray and he answers.
So when I got home I went straight to bed to sleep, and I was in balck space no dreams no nothing existed, until my idiot sister walked in and was on the phone, I woke up and realized I skipped to classes today, and I got plenty more to write.
Why can’t we just Sleep with no worries about waking up.

The wise one says
“Old age is sickness best friend”

Once in A Dark night

I’ll close my eyes and fall into deep sleep, no alarms would wake me up not any life engagements. A time when I won’t have to wake up for School or worry about a test. A time friends and family are irrelevant, all that matters is the empty space I float in. No dreams occupying my sleeping head no nightmares haunting my very existence.
It’s not dieing I desire, but something else. Where it doesn’t matter what that girl says about me nor what that guy thinks. A place I exist on my own with out missing anyone else, no Dead mother and no Dead brother. A place hatred and love do not exist, nothing exist but the empty black space and me.

The wise one Says
“a clear mind is a sane mind”